exultation is the going of an inland soul to sea

12:45 a.m. x 2010-05-30

currently listening to: "black rabbit" by colt

i have work at nine tomorrow, and then i woke a longer shift than i've worked yet. i am heading to bed in a moment. i have written a lot tonight, but i am by no means my happiest. i am not down, i will not quit, but if it is still like this and i am getting more realistically, profoundly discouraged and i have a few $$$ tucked away, i will make a change. it isn't worth it to go and feel humiliated semi-regularly. i know so much of that is me and my new-ness and the ACTUAL WORK, what i am doing with my hands, that is not at all bad but very enjoyable. being busy, i mean, at all, and serving people - i like it. i, in fact, really love it. i like to do things for people. i wish i looked nice while i did it. i wish i felt a bond of great integrity and respect for my managers. they are nice and mean well but are not great at their jobs. no. and it is not a job where i can go and do my own thing without some kind of managerial consent, since there are no real positions. i can eventually get very good at one thing and do mostly that one thing but i must always at all times be ready to do all things, which is a little crazy. at least at my old job, i had to stay in one place at all times and could wear whatever i wanted. that was good. i know why i left, though, and why i haven't gone back. but oh well. i am still looking for jobs. I WILL NOT SETTLE. and now the spell of joblessness is broken! and that's good!

i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.
i will be fine.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11