skinned alive i want to fit

1:05 a.m. x 2010-07-23

currently listening to: "man size" by pj harvey

one of the booksellers dropped out, so only one - sam - and i are training now, and she is amazing! i'm so glad to know her and working with her is a dream. she is resolute and hardworking and hysterical. we have mutual feelings regarding our trainers (exasperation, bordering on outright impatience only rarely, mostly amusement). today she picked me up and took me home! because she wanted to spend time with me! i can't believe i made such a good friend all ready.

"metropolis:" monday.

GRETCHEN: tuesday!

training ends friday! then who knows when i work. training hours are all at night, but management became very excited when i told them i was available during the day.

so, now, work (that i love, that i want): check. writing every day: check. i need to get my appearance in order now. my hair looks terrible. and i am in the mood to seduce. i want the universe to know it.

now that i am working long shifts in an establishment beyond any restaurants, i am going to be rationing my portions much better and BUSY. instead of sitting at home and eating and maybe never moving. however right now we have to do "guided tasting" and at the very least try everything in the cafe. i am firmly off sugar right now and don't want to look at a muffin again except to urge someone else to take it away and eat it. i needed this.

i think i will buy a minifridge and keep it in here (office), maybe, and do my own grocery shopping now and not eat from the kitchen anymore as a means to both eat well, keep on a healthy diet and get used to being self-sufficient in that capacity.

i wonder if, as i get a grip on my responsibilities, i will get a chance to jot notes to myself as i used to. where i used to work, i would unspool a length of reciept paper and write in between customers. i do not expect this, of course. but my supervisor upon hiring me actually apologized for this being not the job most conducive to creative productivity (i disagree)! they have had some writers employed there at times, i guess. right now there aren't even any english majors, or very few. one time i was there last year or two years ago and a girl tried helping me look for something and we got to talking about twilight and she (i understand she probably had to, which is fine) defended stephanie meyer. the girl had recently graduated from a local, terrible school in english and used a mess of words incorrectly. my mom then went "you should have her job." check.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11