1:49 a.m. x 2010-10-18

currently listening to: "zombie" by the cranberries

i bought "the magician" after a particularly rough day at work. yesterday was so great. D was a sweetheart. whenever i close (which is a mess of tedious work) he and another boy always help so much. but there is someone there now who is creating such a negative atmosphere that when she is around no one comes over. D cut my hours so i can take care of my applications and study and rest. i love what i am working on for my portfolio. i wish carole maso would unleash bay of angels. my uncle wishes i would apply to iowa.

my favorite books right now:

ada, or ardor and
lolita by vladimir nabokov
as i lay dying and
sound & the fury by william faulkner
the art lover and
AVA by carole maso
great granny webster by lady caroline blackwood
the bell jar by sylvia plath
we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson
house of incest by anais nin
sweet days of discipline by fleur jaeggy
two serious ladies by jane bowles
cheri by colette
period by dennis cooper
necrophilia variations by supervert
the brothers karamazov by fyodor dostoevsky
zombie by joyce carol oates
the end of alice by am homes
the berlin stories by christopher isherwood
miss macintosh, my darling by marguerite young

i am finishing right now dangerous muse, a biography of lady caroline blackwood, and about to start joanna ruocco's the mothering coven. i go into a spin of wanting to finish zizek and reread dostoevsky and buying film criticism and i want to absorb it all at once. i know what i am capable of and i know i haven't cooled it, rationally, i know i have just been working a lot. but now i am going to have time. and i am going to get ready. i am getting in somewhere.

AFTER I WATCH "THE MAGICIAN." i'm working tomorrow then days off, at last.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)