can you make it

7:39 p.m. x 2011-04-13

currently listening to "hey hey helen" by lush

i think i may have gotten into one of the programs to which i applied...i still haven't heard from them. but i haven't been rejected either. if i don't get in - matter easily settled! i'll work here for at most two more years. that's when seth plans to leave his job and we will move and we are both very invested in the prospect of moving very far away. if i get in, i have to start paying for it IMMEDIATELY. i must work while i go. i must be diligent. if it is wrecking me body and soul after a semester, i'll drop. but i'll be there. with a job no matter what. only if i can't get a job will i definitely be going home, then back to the former sequence. no matter what, it's amazing. it's good. all i want is to be with seth and afford to live. to have a small place and eat. that's all. to write. if i can't spend money i won't miss it. i know very well how it is not to spend money. i don't need that. what i DO need to know is if i'm changing addresses in three months.

!!!

training is finally over at my job. this has been a big week, as i realize how much i have to report. i may have become a columnist. a story of mine went up one place and another piece was accepted elsewhere! seth and i are going to the american visionary art museum this weekend!!! i should get plenty of rest so i can enjoy that properly. i have been exhausting myself.

i am so happy, though - just so tired. but still perfectly willing to get more tired or i would not actively - and with such verve! - keep up with this. i wanted to congratulate myself today on the run of good happenings and got sushi. the sushi guys always give me hot tea while i wait. they're lovely. everything is cut by the undercurrent of longing i have for seth when he's not with me. he loves pickled ginger. i love that he does and i always give him mine.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11