2:55 p.m. x 2002-11-13
song of the day: *my friends over you* by new found glory...ugh...not because i want it to be, but because i've had it stuck in my head quite badly since noon of yesterday
it's friday and i do not have school...the only sucky thing there is that there's absolutely nothing to do. i prefer this to sitting in enlish class and sleeping, then waking up and having mr. cunt slam something on my desk to "wake me up" (he always seems to time it so that i'm awake when he's doing so). but i miss people, at least i get to see people.
it's only been a day and i miss everyone T__T. well nobody here [the here that is my house] likes my very much. and looking back on it yesterday was really good (it just had really bad moments to it - but overall it was really good).
there was one really fucked-up instance last night...my dad got ice cream for my brother and sister but not for me. hmm...okay. a bit odd concidering that as he left he asked my mom what i liked. and upon asking him why there was none for me he said "you don't need it".
the fucker is lucky i didn't smash a glass bowl over his head.
i am not an extremely thin, pretty girl in my personal opinion. i like my curvy figure, and even mitch the perv has defended that i'm not fat, and i like a lot of my features and have always been complimented for my smile, and i am pretty to me, but not to everyone. and that's life, that's what happens. but my parents don't even think i'm very pretty, especially my dad, the fuckass.
there's something wrong there.
i am not 600 lbs. - to get all itchy and technical, i am 145. but i am also shaped bizzarely (in my opinion it's to the point of looking ill-porportioned, but i seem to make sense to everyone else). and plus, yeah, i have a huge ass and big tits. this is half hereditary (huge bums run in my family) and half uniquely me (i'm the only member of my blood-related family with any chest at all). so i don't look like the oleson twins, big friggin deal.
hmm...four days until my next therapy appointment. twenty-six days until jaypea can drive. there's too much waiting -_-.
i have to remember things to recount to my therapist. i see her biweekly and i never remember what i'm supposed to tell her @_@. shannon, jason, and my dad she has to hear about, and something else...*ponders*
ah yes, the school nurse wants me on anxiety meds. there's an interesting theory behind her reasoning there: i rock back and forth under stress and excitement.
i rock back and forth all the time...it's how i handle extreme feeling instead of running around and screaming or laughing or crying. i do run around and laugh a lot, because that's the least harmless thing i can think of. it's really pissed people off though [tristan in basic foods - i know marissa got a kick out of that]. so to comprimise my energetic impluses - i rock back and forth. this made the nurse think i was over-anxious (that and my normal heartrate is up around 98), and she wants me on medication.
i really really don't want to be on medication because i really like being in control of how i feel and what i do, and that's why i won't take drugs...they feel different things for you, and i'd absolutely hate that.
*ugh*...i'm dizzy now. i think i may clean up the rings pages. should i? i love all the pictures but the slow loading is evil. hmm, i think i will.
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start