5:00 p.m. x 2002-12-08
"i do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. it's on european socialism. i mean, really, what's the point? i'm not european. i don't plan on being european. so, who gives a crap if they're socialists? they could be fascist anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that i don't own a car. a person should not believe in any "-ism," he should believe in himself. i quote john lennon, "i don't believe in beatles, i just believe in me." he should know - he was the walrus. i could be the walrus, and i'd still have to bum rides off people." - ferris bueller's day off
well my weekend was shit. mostly thanks to my dad, i really don't like him. he never has anything nice to say to me and then sulks around when i'm not nice to him. i'm not nice to anyone who insults my weight or my friends, don't think that just because you're a relative means you get special rights. if i don't think you're worth the extra energy - you aren't and you can't change that. my mother's yelled at me for being nicer to strangers than to my dad - yeah well, they didn't do anything to me so why should i be mean to them? my dad yells at me whenever i eat, never says shit to me unless it's about the condition of my room, and refuses to be nice in talking about my friends. you think i'm going to be polite to someone who calls my best friends "is that the slut?" and "oh, the gay one".
no. i'm not.
*dies*...all i wanted all weekend was soup from panera. i didn't want to do anything else but sit down with the little bowl made out of sourdough and sip the chicken noodle from it's innards. i was really looking foreward to that. did i get it? no. i'm less upset over this than i am the method of rejection my dad chose. asshole. i may go steal an xmas gift thanks to him.
there are currently seven wrapped gifts sitting quite conspicuously on my parents' dresser. they aren't marked but i know they're mine because my mom said. so last night when i was pissed with my dad, i snuck in and took the two video-shaped ones off the top. thanks to my ingenuity - i was able to unwrap and rewrap them perfectly. *kids* and beneath that *a hard day's night*. i really want to see the latter - i may take my revenge and just swipe the thing. that'll occupy me for another few hours before i decide to get violent.
my planet must be in a bad spot this week because my mood's just gone to hell. i leave you know with my kiersey personality (%4 percent of the population have that ^-^), my supposed disorder, and a really nice lamp.
idealist - healers
Healer Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and informative and introverted in their interpersonal relations. Healer present a seemingly tranquil, and noticiably pleasant face to the world, and though to all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.
Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity.
Healers seek unity in their lives, unity of body and mind, emotions and intellect, perhaps because they are likely to have a sense of inner division threaded through their lives, which comes from their often unhappy childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood, which, unfortunately, is discouraged or even punished by many parents. In a practical-minded family, required by their parents to be sociable and industrious in concrete ways, and also given down-to-earth siblings who conform to these parental expectations, Healers come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. Other types usually shrug off parental expectations that do not fit them, but not the Healers. Wishing to please their parents and siblings, but not knowing quite how to do it, they try to hide their differences, believing they are bad to be so fanciful, so unlike their more solid brothers and sisters. They wonder, some of them for the rest of their lives, whether they are OK. They are quite OK, just different from the rest of their family-swans reared in a family of ducks. Even so, to realize and really believe this is not easy for them. Deeply committed to the positive and the good, yet taught to believe there is evil in them, Healers can come to develop a certain fascination with the problem of good and evil, sacred and profane. Tutors are drawn toward purity, but can become engrossed with the profane, continuously on the lookout for the wickedness that lurks within them. Then, when Healers believe thay have yielded to an impure temptation, they may be given to acts of self-sacrifice in atonement. Others seldom detect this inner turmoil, however, for the struggle between good and evil is within the Healer, who does not feel compelled to make the issue public.
Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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i'm fairly sure i actually have this. i make less and less sense to myself all the time - and the chicken picture isn't that big of a stretch from how i seem to look against others anyway.
Which of Kelly Osbourne's random objects are you?
i really want that lamp. i was wondering if anyone else noticed that thing. i like it more than kelly, i think. yay for the lamp.R.I.P. JOHN LENNON
october 1940-december 1980
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start