"i find terrible the notion that others can do to me what i do to them"

12:28 p.m. x 2003-05-30

home early -_- excuse moi for not writing yesterday, you wouldn't have enjoyed it. in fact, my mood has hardly improved so it's a small wonder i'm here today. i know why - i'm lonely T__T and incredibly frustrated & sad. you see: i am sick. i was supposed to get an operation to un-sick me yesterday. something is bleeding inside of my body but it's up there near important things and veins and such and - at the VERY LAST MINUTE (meaning while i was under the anesthesia, in the operating room) - my doctor decided it was too much of a risk.

so much for not feeling tired all the time. now i'm looking at a big stay in a hospital in june T__T and i was really looking foreward to just getting this all out of the way...

and to put icing on the "myssi-in-pain" cake: my school counselor is opting that i look at antidepressants. i will NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT take ANY kind of pill to help a mental condition ESPECIALLY antidepressants! i get sad sometimes for no reason - it goes away! you have to be sad every now and then to stay healthy! i'm not sad ALL the time...i'm perfectly fine on most days...I JUST EXPERIENCED A FAILED SURGERY. i have the right to feel like shit.

i don't feel completely bad anyhow. my mom got me a huge balloon i named shirley. she's a big sweet yellow smiley face (not the generic smilie, though) with pink petals ^-^. i hope at least i get another nice balloon for my next hospital excursion...my mom says my aunt's going to visit me and she'll (meaning my mother) stay with me while i'm there. and i'll avoid the jello, sara - i promise.

i think sara was the best thing about today, even though i only saw her for a few minutes in the morning. she hugged me a lot and smiled and nobody else really did that. and i felt terrible. i really hope manda can go to the mall with me tomorrow because i miss her and i need to buy things. i'm a taurus - the quickest way to make me cheerie is MATERIALISMMM!!!

i you and i hope you feel better than i do.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11