...since we last left her...

10:26 a.m. x 2003-06-25

yesterday after writing in here, my day took an extremely bizarre turn of events. the first being, moments after writing the entry, my doorbell rang. 'twas the UPS man. i went downstairs to see and i remembered i'd ordered from the scar.store and was thinking "ooo! could this be it?!" and so i ran out to see.

and in the process, accidentally locked myself out of the house -_-. instead of roasting myself in the sun, i resolved to skip over to my neighbor's house and use their phone to call my mother. i didn't get through to her cell phone, but my neighbor ryan, whome i haven't had a conversation with in years, and i stood in his kitchen having the most ironic series of conversations and eating matzo, which - despite being catholic - he has boxes upon boxes of.

when i finally got back into the house, it was very nearly time for me to go to therapy. much of the time this week was spent on my sleeping problems, which sparked my therapist's attention greatly. she seems suspiciously happy whenever we hit something that's really wrong with me @_@ ah well - she just wants our money's worth you know? pay for therapy - at least have a problem. i do, i just have a tough time getting it out, that's why i'm there, i'm trying to admit it to myself. but in the meantime, trying to get over the insomnia is certainly something to concentrate on.

following therapy, i was beeped by our beloved clare who asked if i might want to go to the movies with her. and so we surrendered any sense of better judgement or intellectual elitism to laugh at "bruce almighty". you have to do that every now and then, you know. it was no sundance movie but hell if you expect that level of entertainment out of a movie starring jim carrey you deserved to be as disappointed as you are.

now to come to another point of order - a person has signed my guestbook twice now asking me about when rabbit howls. no, i don't have the disease. yes, i do know about it. obviously, not every case is like truddi chase. i never implied that it was. not every depressive is like holden caulfield. not every abused teenager is like carrie white. not every religious person is a zealot - it's a book, it's nothing to get in a big whirl about! i'm not mad at you, just know that i did not have any intention to offend anyone with my recommendation of rabbit. i didn't find myself shocked or horrified while reading it - i was inspired. it's a very sad, touching story and just because it's an extreme case doesn't mean it's a biased view. it was her experience. i was personally moved/changed/whatever sappy euphemism you'd like to use for it, and i will not apologize for recommending it because i don't feel it's going to hurt anybody. and please, don't sign my guestbook anymore if you feel the only things to say are negative. just keep it to yourself.


anywho -- following the movie, the request was made of miss clare that she spend the evening ^-^ and so i wasn't as lonely kicking about last night until dawn. again, i don't remember too much about it, but that it was fun and i ate vitamins and pizza right before going to bed, which my therapist said would just trigger a nightmare (i didn't know i was going to fall asleep! i honestly right now would prefer never to have another nightmare ever again). instead, i just passed out a half-hour after clare did. i didn't want her to feel left out.

oo! i remember something now - we went to wally world. if one lingers in a walmart long enough, you begin to notice a strange behavior exhibited by the clerks as they assume since it's late, they must be invisible and/or no one in their right mind would be in walmart that late. so we ran about walmart amidst the erratic clerkage and a seemingly neverending lingerie section. i bought a slip, an adorable bra, and a..."skong"...

that last purchase was certainly encouraged by last night's livid atmosphere. a good beginning to any day of mine starts by getting dressed and dancing to "live through this". that's one of the few albums that makes me dance, headbang, and anything in the like. i looked really nice yesterday...kind of upsetting now, as i'm a bit of a mess. my hair's still kind of damp because i took a bath at 5 a.m. yesterday and then hid myself under a pile of blankets while my companion drifted off onto planet clare.

the morning was met by a strange "dream" about watching "rosemary's baby" - and lo and behold, we were. i was all set to congratulate me on how structured that dream was - scene by scene, word for word...and it wound up being not-yet-awake hallucinating...

and since it's still on, i think i'll catch the end. *MWAH!* ~ luff you all.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11