3:17 p.m. x 2003-07-23

i feel tremendously guilty on several levels. i feel guilty that the beautiful people that have been a great help to me while i've been sad are dead (jimi hendrix, janis joplin, kurt cobain, etc.). i feel guilty that friends of mine have been tearing into other friends of mine on my "behalf" for reasons unknown. i feel guilty for being a bad friend. i feel guilty for disliking things about me so much. i feel guilty for loving people. i feel guilty for liking jewel's new song (there's more ground for this than anything else here, you know). I FEEL GUILTY FOR LETTING EVERYBODY KNOW HOW BAD I FEEL. i feel guilty that my oldest friend thinks i don't like her anymore. i feel guilty that i've given my closest friend all those emotional scars that she hasn't forgotten. i feel bad...so so bad.

but if it is an consolation..."my own private idaho" was wonderful.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)