3:09 p.m. x 2003-10-23

quote of the day: "it's nice to get a little male every now and then." - andy gets confused

the new layout is dedicated to - but alas, not featuring (damn) - bethany's mother. and now for the entry: it never fails to amaze me, how balanced manda & i are in our moods. it's rare we're in different moods or modes. i'm quite sure she wouldn't agree, but it tends to be true. and right now we're both at a bit of a low end...which is absurd on my part, because many things have been the best for me they've ever been lately. i'm absolutely enamoured. i've got a better average than i thought. my math grade's showing signs of life. my relationships are in near-perfect condition and my social self-esteem, while still a piece of shit, is becoming a bit more structured. i expect it to be improving once i stop this "CRUSH". grrrr...i hate crushes.

but i love this...i've heard "how soon is now" - both the smiths & tatu versions - all day. this is frighteningly un-me, to be rather into songs about love. or worse - pining. i hate pining, not just when i do it but when anybody does it. but i just figure i'd get it out of my system, as all this repression was what led to the rampant emotional messes recently. THAT - and the lights. according to clare, the cheap flourescent lighting, much like the kind used in our building and buildings across the country, is draining of energy and in studies people are less productive while working under them. they make you stupid, essentially...oh well, it made sense when clare said it. i missed clare today T__T but it looks as though her appointment went well. ILOVECLARE!!! she knows i'm here. i'm always here. and when i'm not, i'm usually with her anyway.

RERUN DIED, just so you know. that was a horrible way to start my day - you don't understand. i was supposed to marry rerun. we were destined for each other. and now it's all over. on to plan b - bethany's mother. anyway, on a closing note - i have newfound respect for andy after reading his opinions on current events. very bright lad. very very bright - *pats the andy*.

we're all going to have to get together again soon to freebase asbestos and talk about the weather. and paul's crotch, which i'm lacking current updates about. goodnight everbody.

SHORT STORIES WITH TRAGIC ENDINGS (FEMALE VOCAL)
from autumn to ashes

did you ever look, did you ever see that one person?
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
so much like choking down the embers of a great blaze
it's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds
you let this one person come down in the most perfect moment
and it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is
a reminder of what i'll never have
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
but this table for one has become bearable
i now take comfort in this, and for this, i cherish you
did you ever look, did you ever see that one person?
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
so much like choking down the embers of a great blaze
it's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds
and you let this one person come down, come down
i cherish you...i cherish you
just say you would do the same for me
just say you would do the same for me
say you would do the same
just say you would do the same for me
for as much as i love autumn
i'm giving myself to ashes

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)