this is me at my most masochistic

9:37 p.m. x 2003-10-25

the other night i took a little jaunt away from myself, in a state of pseudo-sleepiness i was just incoherent enough to truly distance myself from myself. the results weren't as i'd hoped they'd be. some of my personal characteristics have begun to bother me so badly i cannot begin to describe it...not like stupid superficial things, but personal things. like my taste in men. i feel bad getting crushes for reasons far beyond the funny little "bad boyfriend karma" explanation that i have (although, being the freak i am - i do still believe in that).

"kill bill" is a brilliant film, but as much fun as i had tonight (and that was a lot, i tell you) - i realized that some topics of conversation are beginning to make me unreasonably tense. it's completely a me thing, nothing anybody else is doing and i'm not taking offense. i just realized tonight that there are things i really explicitly don't want to drudge up. i don't know. maybe i'm just insane. but paul, kara, clare and ryan were very fun and made things yay and TWEAK ALEX AND MANDA ARE STILL LOVED VERY MUCH EVEN THOUGH THEY COULD NOT ATTEND!!! they were there in spirit, as was everyone else <3.

i'm going to shush now and work out my issues in the bathtub. evening evening, everybody.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11