You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

expect these lovelies to become quite a big thing. extremely lovely and alarming. download everything by them right now.

violent mers of merness...ALEX AND CLARE ASKED ME TO DO SOMETHING TOMORROW SOMEONE MUST GET BACK TO ME - POOR K@RI DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING OOOOONNNNNNNNN, so tomorrow my plans are completely up in the air, resting in the hands of two people i adore. hopefully somebody calls me (especially alex, because i could call clare all on my own, but i don't have her number!). today's plans were slightly impromptu - i woke up extremely late after staying up roughly until dawn the evening before. and then i went to the bookstore ^-^ wheee! i think i got a bright red scream: self-mutilation and the language of pain, welcome to my country, the stepford wives, the kennedy men (AT LAST!!!)...probably more...and then "in time: the best of r.e.m.", "details" by frou frou (THEY HAD IT! YESSSS!), and the soundtrack to "lost in translation". and a heart-shaped paperweight. very fun.

to keep, i took cutting by steven levenkron and (agh!) the man who mistook his wife for a hat (i love alex)!!! then i went out to dinner with my mother and we discussed me. it was a very self-indulgent day for me. i cannot wait to take courses on psychology, and then to be able to work in a related field. the best thing in the world would be to be an art therapist by day and a singer in a rock band by night. i could take the patients on field trips, i bet they'll be a better audience than those at our local "venue" (it is not a venue - it is a small wooden shed owned by a church) - "DO THE JESUS DANCE!" (they aren't kidding either, there is one - and if you don't do it right you're going to hell).

upon returning home, we watched "white oleander", which i'd avoided seeing for reasons i don't remember (although i remembered there being valid reasons...and i'm more than sure they involved operah in some form or another...). but it wasn't bad. wasn't the best movie i've ever seen but sufficient entertainment, especially concidering renee zellwegger's character was named CLARE!

i love you, claree (shh...it might weild a chainsaw!).

and as good as living with eating disorders are, the autumns remain my intimate lover...

SIREN WINE
the autumns

slip this one last drop
i won't be smiling
slit your wrist and drop
i won't be smiling
we'll spin the girls
and wear the joy out on our faces
like the swans we sing
this one last drop is worth the dying
one last drop
and don't remind me
all the things i've lost
are not behind me
we'll kill the girls
and wear the mirth out on our faces
in our masks and wigs
this one last dance is worth the dying
bow the hull to seven seas
now i only see what you want me to see
the sorrow on the breeze
one last drop i won't be smiling
one last drop i won't
come that drip
i won't be smiling
gilds the bed in foil and gold leaf
until the end we do pretend
the end the end the end

as nice as she is, my mother is an extremely slow individual. roughly a week after i stopped seeing susan i asked quite congenially that i resume therapy with another councelor. she didn't think i needed it, forcing me to vaguely sketch out why i sought therapy in the first place, and after provoking her to check out our options she stalled. and now we've sputtered to a stop and she isn't doing anything and i'm politely waiting outside the school councelor's every other day. i hesitated going down there a lot at first but i think now i'm becoming something of a social fixture down there. i have a way of coloring things so they flow in a very entertaining, sitcom-ee way and my councelor (and the one i don't see, mr. r) always makes an effort to stay up on what myssi's doing. that's the spirit.

shushing now <3. someone, clare or alex, callllllll...

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)