what happens when people stop being polite

3:51 p.m. x 2004-02-26

i couldn't calm the fuck down today, with the exception of second block, through which i slept. my hostility had simmered pretty well to the surface by the time art club had our group photo taken (no comment on the drama photo - even the counselor was pissed off about that), and i was feeling pretty "don't-fucking-cross-me", and i know i looked it. the three kids who were arranging us in a suitable manner were the RUDEST fucking little bunch i've ever come across. it's pretty easy to get people to turn or to stand or to move over, you say "would you please move to the right a little? this person's a little shorter, would you mind moving back a bit farther?", and they will do it pretty much without questions or homicidal glares, unless of course this is what you want, like this little girl, then you should say something to the tune of "you could have an extra chair if you could even master getting in a fucking line", etc...

i drew manda jesus in last block. so i eventually settled down, by skipping third block to rant. and oh, OH can i rant. and i wonder, this thing that i thought would go away with my sifting social climate, why it is that when i get upset, when i get mad, the other person just shrugs off this "well i don't know what YOUR problem is..." and writes me off. and i wonder why, why as to this that when i explain the situation, explain THEIR perspective, the person i tell ALWAYS SAYS "well god i'd be fucking pissed if i were you!".

i know some pretty fucking selfish people. and i'm pretty acquainted with selfishness, at least on a material level. i don't think there's anything wrong with that, but when you get into socioemotional selfishness, that's pretty fucked up. nobody can step out of their realm. christ that bothers me.

(speaking of christ! manda, bethany, kara, shannon (?) and i are SO SO SO seeing "the passion of the christ" this weekend. YOU ENVY MEEEEEEEE.)

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11