1:49 p.m. x 2004-05-24

i think i feel the exact same way that i did this time last year. congratulations, me. except this time it was a shock. last time was dumb and should've never happened anyway and this is just...the beginning of the easing out of an uncomfortable place. if you want to think of it in a positive light as i do.

"she really turned out to be mean. if she was doing this to you she wouldn't stand it, this is so bitchy."

yes. that's true.

but there's no possible way. i'm not a victim. i'm a victimizer. the kind that just assumes that roll before it's even necessary. just in case. there's no way anybody can do anything like that to me, it must just be a case of my CONTROLLING attitude, Y'KNOW (i'm thinking of that scene in mean girls - "i must have a big old LEEESBIAN CRUSH ON YOU", that was a great scene). *huff* i don't know.

summer weather puts me in a violent disposition, if you haven't already noticed. i need to move to a colder climate. i'd decorate my igloo with a picture of allegra making her face and the plaster cast of tweak and the conversation book and all those nice things...just as long as i'm cold, GODDAMIT!

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)