10:03 p.m. x 2004-08-18

like you don't already know: ryan is the best person. but so is alex, it is really a DEBACLE...

but yes, RYAN though, had the most beautiful offer today. a really courteous, unbelievably generous offer that i was screaming and WHOA!ing and jumping around all night about.

but what kind of excuse is "too awkward"?

i don't think my parents know what gay is.

my emotions are hammering to fast to actually get out a coherent sentense. i've worked nonstop and i still feel unaccomplished. i spent all day with an old book. i don't know what's going on other than i'm careening. and that's a really ugly way to end your summer.

and according to some apparatus i've done a really good job on something this summer. i should be proud of that except my parents don't believe me. who all summer were like "oh yeah i see it i see it good job kari yes" when i justified it for myself they were all very "hmm i don't think so i think you're more like ________________" and that...

sucks.

something needs to be done because i can't be here anymore. it's not a nice thing to decay when you can feel it happening. screaming would be good.

(i wish i was angry right now. i'm not specifically certain this is angry. this is more like, careening.)

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)