4:40 p.m. x 2005-02-20

i had an assignment in english to write about heroism, and the hero pose in ancient british literature, and i remember how many "my hero" assignments i've encountered in various english/writing classes i've ever had. i never did okay on those, because of the way other people went about having others they look up to, i didn't think i could do a good job of finding a person i thought did everything perfect and who i wanted to emulate. it didn't take more than a few weeks then to realize that nobody was like that, and then looking for an idol was a lot easier.

i like courtney love. i think she's probably my role model. i never give this sort of thing a lot of thought. she's "intense and scary", and whether or not i'm actually either of those things, i certainly feel that i'm treated that way a good bit of the time. she writes about themes that are relevant to me, and because of how good she is when she's good, it makes it more explicitly clear to me how drugs can ugly things up.

i'm glad she's finally off all manner of pharmecudicals and looking healthier/better than she has lately. i would really love it if she would channel her experiences as of late into a kickass album, because she deserves to make one and go on a real tour that i can go to...

i've only been to one teenage idolatry concert, and that was the white stripes avec clare, and while that was as IMPOSSIBLY WOW as one could expect, it was a very blithering lusty experience. i want to rub up against jack white, not necessarily emulate him (although i have moments). i think courtney is cool enough for me to emulate her. 53% of the time. that's an awfully good figure.

yeah, the rest of the time i want to be this thing:

sheesh, so goddamn suave!

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)