10:38 p.m. x 2005-04-25
i should just...be at ease right now. i should DEFINITELY write more. i should restrict the compulsion to have the tv on while i listen to music (?! i don't know). i should set aside time daily to think and get myself through the miasma. i should be appreciative and i should be accepting, and i should let everything roll off my back.
as soon as everybody knows HOW PISSED OFF I AM WITH THEM AND HOW MUCH THEY OWE ME A MASSIVE APOLOGY! (this "everybody" is in fact maybe not a person at all...maybe it's a great imbalance of body chemistry...)
out of that, away from that...i'm in a blood vessel-popping amount of LUST right now and THAT's the real important thing. my concentration wanders, my attention skips around him and i absolutely cannot think of anything else (until i do, and i cry, and i get bothered with the fact that this object of enamourment is thee primary source of GOOD in my present realm)!
i should move off this era. and he should come with me.
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start