12:31 a.m. x 2005-06-09

i'm making things, after i went into my basement and tore up a bunch of things. i'm ready to say EVERYTHING! and a lot of it sounds like pauline parker's "the ones that i worship". i'm using that, in fact, in the bigger picture.

it's soooo muddy! it's all so hazy & unclear! and part of that, most of that is exciting, but not really the part i'm thinking of. you know, everybody else is getting sad, upset, nostalgic...i can't say anything! i do not think this is my paranoia but that i'd put my thoughts & energies in danger if i released this to anybody but the one person that is the focus of those things.

of everything wonderful. ugh, i'm peeling...i found an OLD diary entry (written, from 1997) that reads "dear diary, I'M TOAST", and that's exactly how i feel right now. & i have to wear white, which really shows off how weird i'm shaped (clothes & me are so incompatible).

i have to finish this vessel of love! speaking of which, I FOUND (holy shit, man) "FIRE WALK WITH ME" FOR 3.00$ TODAY! i'd been looking for it EVERYWHERE and i FOUND IT CHEAP!!!

i'm happy (but sad, too, except...sssh).

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)