i hope you looked through the book long enough to see that love, violence, mental disorders and sex are in here, too.

10:21 p.m. x 2005-06-15

i can hardly WAIT to be miles away from all of this! it sends churning burst of "WHAT, EXCUSE ME? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!" through my gut and elsewhere. soooo freakin exciiitteeed...i'm all ready hardcore into mr. psychtext. he & i are intimate, the study guide is getting generously fondled, there've been quickies with the practice tests...OH!

it's so much fun.

i've gotta shuffle aimlessly back into CC's student life office again within the next week or two in order to alert them of where to point the catapult (where they're getting me into). cause i'm quite prepared to take drastic academic measures to get into the school of my choice! THERE'S NO HOLDING ME BACK. BITCHES! i'm just going to go from place to lovely place now. i'm not stagnating! NOPE, NEVER AGAIN! NOT EVER!

i'll be mobile, unceasingly mobile, in my academic excursions on the long and curious climb towards becoming dr. kari (i don't wish to ever be addressed as a title ever, i was thinking about that, that it seems to be a creepy power trip people get on...may i always be referred to as kari, or else some rude nickname). AND THIS SEPTEMBER IS THE TRIIIIIIIP! CC has a little trot across a certain favorite city of mine planned, and i'm aaall over that (totally the sole reason i'm not bitching and moaning about the whole deal, other than the fact that i'm just happy to go to any college, just to get a leg up into where i want to be).

i'm going to kick all of the ass as a college student that insomnia, ennui, stagnation, and a vehement lack of bad chi disallowed me to kick as a high school student. i couldn't flower under those conditions, only under MY conditions. IIII control things now!!! MWAHAHA (yeah, there is evidently no control issue to speak of here, well you know i have always grappled with how my intellect was dealt with, i've come to many conclusions about that and it'd be creepy and raving to say that it was everyone's fault and i had nothing to do with shitty, shitty grades, all i can say is: sensory overload, takes things too personal, failure to dicipline one's self to hold interest in something deeply hated, and asleep, and never cared enough at all to undo it because there was never an impetus tipping one back the other way - i know i'm a fucking genius and so do those intheknow, the important ones, it's good sense not to care about detractors, that's just how it goes, now though there's a prize and there's lucidity and a shift in environment: CA-CHING!).

i want to be a tiny japanese gothic lolita. i think that'd be an awfully cool thing to do on the weekends. alas, i am nordic, and i'm not necessarily tiny (though am thankfully spared by a hair of a chromosome from being amazonian - and am thusly normal), so all i can do is emulate, emulate.

another summer project.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11