i walk down the lane with a happy refrain (come on with the rain)

7:02 p.m. x 2005-07-10

my aunt woke me up, but my third-cousin alexis was taking a bath in my bathroom so i didn't get up and get dressed. my aunt checked her email (the computer's next to my bed) and my brother came in and complained. after everyone was gone (an hour later), i got up and started getting ready. while i was applying my eyeliner somebody called upstairs and asked how long it'd take yet and i said "not long". so i started curling my hair, which takes ten minutes, and somebody else comes up all huffy. "everyone is all ready in the car"! so i rush out, we go for breakfast.

okay? okay so far.

we get home. i don't think i'm doing anything else so i start to pack. i think about my psych homework, and i realize that my ipod is still in the car, and i should go get it so that it can charge. as i consider this, my aunt comes in, and we exchange a few words about maybe going out to a mall while my mom takes my brother, sister & lex to play tennis? i think that sounds good, but when i go to get my ipod i think, i'll run it by my mom. so i tell her, hey, i have my own money. i'm not looking to spend, but i'd like to get out. that's awesome, my mom says. i go upstairs. there's a brief interlude that includes my screaming "GODFUCKINGJESUSCHRISTDAMMIT" but it's actually totally unrelated, more or less, except that it ignites dialog between my aunt and my mother.

i continue packing, and it also occurs to me that i would like to own "taxi" on dvd. when my aunt comes back upstairs, she's had an argument with my mom and is sort of flustered, but we converse normally. everything is really quite okay. then my mom comes up and gets really huffy, and i try and lay it out that there is no big deal, just, i suppose a miscommunication. she doesn't understand (because my aunt had said something to her that i didn't know about, i learned eventually) and just tells me to get downstairs. i'm all ready packed, so i wheel my belongings downstairs and into the car. everyone's all ready set to leave and the car is on. my aunt doesn't come outside and say goodbye.

it would be impolite of me to post the details of my mother's nervous breakdown on the internet - but both my siblings started screaming, they cried for a while, and my mother raged a good distance throughout new jersey about how i'm insane. i think that she is not fantastically equipped to handle the demands of others, especially people she spoils out of their gords (i don't include myself in that statement even though i am spoiled, i don't cry when i don't get something i want and i don't HAVETOHAVE every new game and every season of buffy RIGHTFUCKINGNOW as some kids do, some kids do that). none of her comments about me bothered me, because i know my mother well enough and she's really hyperbolic and stressed-out, and we're very different. when i told her it's good that she's talking about it she almost pulled over and strangled me.

people HATE when you don't get angry back at them, i think.

everything is pretty much cool now. my brother got over it quick enough and my mom took my sister to a youth group to get her out of her room. i finally bought some new clothes, so i put them away. i bought a really CHEAP frame at a really EXPENSIVE store (nordstrom's, that really got me) and i put katy in it, because she hasn't been framed as of yet. i bought the piano teacher, which was a surprise, and i didn't know it'd won the nobel prize for literature! that made me smile.

my second-cousin debbie (lex's mom) borrowed me on the drive back to new jersey from philadelphia so that i could keep her awake on the drive. i work to satisfactory results.

i saw three extremely attractive men in philadelphia. one of them had the most attractive face i've ever seen, it was really mind-boggling, and then after i stalked him for a few stores i noticed he was fat. it was very strange. we got separated after that, but i still would've followed him. another guy was a fleeting ray of bliss out of an express store (where he was a clerk) and he was perfectly, perfectly shaped. but the winner was my bench-mate at dinner. it took a long time for my party to be seated, and this guy - who was dressed PERFECTLY and had a wonderful ass - was being stood-up by an older gentleman who turned up when we were being seated. i gawked for damn near an hour and we conversed lightly. i had the greatest outfit on (a burgundy jersey dress and a black sweater that looks like a blazer) and i wish i could've seen us together on the bench. had i been one of the passing individuals waiting in line for cheesecake i would've turned to us and thought "junior executive and private practice, christmas wedding, plans for kids as soon as that promotion comes in - fucking adorable". i would've been spiteful and jealous.


if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11