it's not the truth i say, it's just a mockery

3:09 p.m. x 2005-11-11

i have this feeling that another website acquired the code for the form in their guestbook from this website, and all of their signatures are appearing on mine. hopefully they notice at some point soon.

i was just informed today that a place where i would like VERY MUCH to be employed is being erected more or less down the street from me, so, fuck my current job. i'm on that biotch like right now (or whenever hiering begins, i am so livid to work in a BOOKSTORE).

i can't wait until i have my own space. it doesn't have to be sprawling or anything; even if it was big it would be cramped if i lived their because i'm a crowder. i crowd my space so that everywhere i turn there's something appealing to the eye, some decoration. i'm functioning on the head of a pin right now, my room is very very small and i get along in it pretty fine. but it would blow my mind to have a bathroom.

every time i go to clare's house, my mind boggles at the luxury of your own bath space. if i had my own bathroom, i could put my cosmetics in there, all of my soaps...i could relax there and get ready in the morning rather than sit on my bed and bend over a hand mirror. i'm like a hyper crack fiend when it comes to bath space - i think my sister is going to touch everything, and i'm generally right. she doesn't like anything that i like, but she gets into it, and it disturbs the hell out of me. everything i use, all my soap, i have in my room and i take it out to go bathe.

so having my own bathroom would be a huge weight off my shoulders. maybe i can ease into it now, though, because i'm the one who redesigned the bathroom as it currently is. let me go look at it.

wow! okay! my sister's reign of bath-space-terror seems to be over. i had to compromise with my mom on color scheme (white, but with beige accents) but i did a damn good job. and i think now my sister isn't to hot to bring her things in there as much.

i believe that's a victory.

having trolled kittyradio again, it seems that courtney love's memoirish thingy might really rear its fine pink skull in about a year. i'm pretty sure i'll be as excited about it then as i am now, considering how excited i've been in relation to all things regarding hole since i was little more than a freshman? dare i say earlier than that (and i wasn't interested in anything before seventh grade - or i lie, i liked sailor moon)? it has been a surprisingly enduring interest. i like a lot of things that hang on and color my personality, but they tend to ebb. they stay, but the tide sort of crawls under and colors from afar as new things roll in. courtney keeps coming back.

which probably accounts for the very safe person that i am. one thing that i believe has been very valuable is the factor of spectacle. i have enough self-confidence and i am just that together that i don't have to teeter around with my tits out, but i know i have to match that for impact in conversation, that interesting-ness. i try to not bore as much as possible. i try. i'm cultivating this, i highly highly value conversational skills.

and empire-waisted dresses.

(i've had more people than fucking EVER tell me at school that i am an incredible writer and they are in plain awe of me - and i say about time. do your damn assignment, but thank you very very much. the whole strange trip of english 102 has been real nice in only a semi-sarcastic, deeply affirming way that i'm going to look back on and snicker/shudder and god will smite me upside the head and bark "APPRECIATE!" you know.)

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11