an ordinary person who peeked into this void would only wake up bitter and deeply paranoid

7:22 p.m. x 2006-01-05

i cannot fit into two thirds of my clothing any longer. it's all big. that's a good feeling. i really haven't been too fond of my weight throughout high school. i'm a big fan of my appearance, just not my weight, because i have a small frame and there's quite a lot on it (though now, quite a lot less than there was).

i'd really like it if, when i see her in may - if i happen to run into her...i look so different that she's curious. by that, i don't mean i'm so thin that it scares her, i'm really not entertained by the prospect of attracting concern (i want to feel good about myself, and, frankly, i would much rather people not notice beyond "oh hey you look good"). i'd like her to think damn. i want to exude happiness and success. i want to see what awesome things clare, kara, heather, et al - i hope AMBER does something! - have up...i'd like to make her actively jealous and not passively jealous as i think she was for most of the latter portion of high school.

just a nice reward for promoting myself beyond half-college, which i hope to do within the coming semester.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11