7:13 p.m. x 2006-02-18

last night, winterfest:

kara took me so i arrived an hour early when it was us, some people setting up halo, and the band, which included duff and his roadie-ness. of all fucking things THE GERMAN was hovering about but i won't complain because he didn't try and speak to me or any of my friends. but it was still off-putting, and you understand.

duff came over and greeted me, which was well and good. then throngs began arriving. a very vital throng indeed arrived and thus ensued probably the most disgusting sequence i've ever put myself through: i time-shared winterfest between A) hanging out with these girls, these girls whom i definitely like and respect and have the highest of hopes for but whom i was hanging out with with the hopes of provoking him into coming over, B) CRYING like i've never cried before on school property (which is something to beat) to clare, kara and TWEAK, and C) talking to duff like nothing is wrong. which didn't, you know, work. at all.

so then we were to leave, clare, amanda d, billy and i. duff said good bye to me. i took a strange picture of bryson. once we got back up to clare's house, kenzie appeared, and, subsequently, jimmy. we were all about to embark on a walmart run after billy went home when jimmy's mom called and FFFFFFFFRRRRRREEEAAAKKKED OUT at her progeny. the situation was quelled at the time, though now i can't get a hold of him at all. his support throughout the night was appreciated (that's an understatement, i owe him the world), and my thoughts are definitely with him now. clare's coming by tonight. nobody wants to be left alone.

but when we were leaving to walmart-run then, after jimmy's mom flipped shit, i got a message from duff. he asked how i was feeling.

no matter how it is that i feel, i hate it.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)