but i think the whole charade is ending; it seems to me to be the only way to keep from getting caught up in a long life of regretting

4:31 p.m. x 2006-05-24

but love wont get you very far, oh!
today be still your beating heart
you'll have to keep on beating it tomorrow
and tomorrow and tomorrow

the dresden dolls, "sex changes"

i need to learn to drive. then i need to never be home.

i'm not trying to cause a fuss
i just wanna make my own fuck-ups
i'm not trying to break your heart
i'm just trying not to fall apart

pj harvey, "the pocket knife"

i'd be so happy to have a kid like me. all your friends want a kid like me. your best friend is so jealous of you that you have me, and i'm so smart and responsible. jimmy's mom trusts me to leave his door closed when i'm in his room (and i'm in awe over this and, quite frankly, plan to honor her trust by not doing something that shouldn't be happening with the door closed, because i am such a gentleman).

i hope vehemently that my brother never gets involved with drugs but IF HE DID, oh boy are you gonna be PISSED with yourself with how you handled this situation. slamming doors and calling me a slut is not an effective course of action, and neither is not trusting me or embarrassing me. i'm in a strange place. let me work it out. let me make mistakes and fix them because i'm going to make mistakes. I'M SORRY I'M AN INSOMNIAC. AND I HAVE NOT RETREATED IN PERSONAL PROGRESS. HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE HELL, I'M WORKING MY ASS OFF ON MY ADMISSIONS ESSAYS, I GOT AWESOME GRADES THIS PAST SEMESTER - HOLY FUCKING LORD I DYED MY HAIR, GET THE FUCK OVER IT (and i have recieved many compliments). AND I HAVE MALE FRIENDS. YEAH I'M STILL CLOSE TO MY EX, WE'VE NOT DONE A SHRED MORE THAN HUG SINCE WE BROKE UP ON FEBRUARY 13th. HE KISSED ME GOOD NIGHT ON VALENTINE'S DAY AND I WAS OVER THE EXPERIENCE BY THE MONTH'S END. HE'S MY FRIEND. YEAH THERE'S ODDNESS GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE MALE FRONT BUT GUESS WHAT? I'M NOT A MORON. I'M NOT A SLUT. I'M A NEW ADULT AND I DON'T WANT TO HANDLE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP YET. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. I HAVE A HEAD ON MY SHOULDERS. WHY IS IT THAT EVERYBODY ELSE'S PARENTS SEE THAT BUT YOU???!?!?!

ugh. this isn't even worth capslocking over. i'm so happy i took human sexuality this past semester (even if this is another piece of evidence in my apparent "obsession" with sex...okay...) because of how much it covered effective communication tactics. getting better at communicating has been a great help this year.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11