You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

i wasn't going to update, but i'm feeling like a benevolent dictator.

i'm thinking about what clare's mom said to me yesterday about fear lowering the immune system. i tried to go on a walk today and i didn't make one round around where i usually walk before i had to go home. it wasn't a good sight. my back is throbbing and my ovaries sting like a motherfucker. i'm past due if i was going to get my period, which breaks my cycle of regularity (four months! i was normal for four months! that's a record).

my mom came over today and hugged me for like fifteen minutes before i started making puzzled sounds and she let go and said "s'it" (that's it) and walked away without looking at me. that's...my mom.

i wish "intervention" was still on ondemand because i adore that show and i don't watch tv regularly. it's so merciless! i love it. i love it and i love "shoots & ladders", but especially before the singing. in fact i only love the part before the singing, the rest of it i just like. if it weren't for that intro, in fact, i doubt i'd be into the song at all. i doubt i would have bought the album. back in ninth grade. oh so long ago.

kara sent me an awesome email that made me really happy. i got to talk to her a little bit today, and that made me really happy, too.

am i really happy, though? talking about all the things i love and all the cool things people say to me and all the people i'm so lucky to know...it's putting me in a good mood, but is it making me happy? i'm asking myself pretentious questions in an online diary, is this happy behavior???

i plead the fifth.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)