You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

so...i learn slow. and the hard way.

just like you.

but...it had to come at the right time that i felt free instead of flailing. and even though it had to get ugly, at least...it got...something. that wasn't ambiguous and scary and hopeful. but things now...will be great. i'm sorry that this happened. i'm glad it kind of drilled things through your head. if you commit to that move you made, you'll see things changing for the better. in a perverse way, even though it was at the expense of our relationship...quotation marks around that or whatever...you finally severed those ties. cause they were only serving to make you miserable and confused.

please find what makes you happy now because i will always support you in it. i will always understand. i'm very disappointed you took this route. "it wasn't supposed to be like this"...you say, but, you know, it could have gone no other way by doing the things you did to us at the same time. even to the degree you were doing them. "it's all or nothing over there". she needed you fully, or i did. and you couldn't offer it up either way.

but let's...walk away from that. the bad moon hath risen. we are no longer boyfriend-girlfriend potentials or otherwise, we are not lovers...i love you. you love me. we are kari and jimmy. we go to sheetz together and bitch at each other. let's breathe. let's shake our heads off this whole escapade. you will, i will.

i'll be happy. you'll be happy. it'll happen. we'll always have what we had. and now we'll have so much more.

thanks for taking the ambush. i needed to get that out. i was mad and i was hurt but i also needed to hear your side and understand whether or not that was an antagonistic move. i understand now.

soooo...

hold your light! and lead me through each gentle step by step...by inch by loaded memory! i'll move to heal, as soon as pain allows so we can reunite and both move on together.

i told you that i won't miss being upset and crying and being hurt by your actions. but i'll never miss and will always enjoy every time you make or have made me smile.

and may amanda d. never ever ever ever ever ever change the way she is, and that is the most wonderful person on the face of the planet.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)