i just burn and stare at the ceiling

2:40 p.m. x 2006-11-03

so, i have a project. i am going to install my itunes library up here, on the computer that i use to do everything else.

it's absofuckinglutely ridiculous to go and use that piece of shit downstairs just to update me ipod. now that that computer has devised some way to suck even harder, i am really not having it anymore. i've tried all week. it's too slow. i can't do anything. it keeps fucking up. i hate it. when my brother gets home from school, i'm going to request that he put his itunes library on the network (it's not very big) and install it downstairs, on the computer he always uses and messes up. i will delete mine downstairs, he can cease complaining about what 4000+ songs does to "his" hard drive, and i'll just go through and put all my cds on here the old fashioned way. i'm not going to put them all on, either...just the ones i listen to most frequently. i tried to go and finesse my library today and it just plain wouldn't allow me to do anything. i'd have to walk away from the computer for five minutes, come back, and it will have done it, but i can't do anything else. five minute intervals, every time. eugh.

i have no idea what happened there. i didn't go on that computer for...months. the last thing i did was download "if you talk too much my head will explode". that was mid-september. it took about two minutes, if that. that's all the involvement i had with that computer. before that i put "we looked like giants" on it, in...august...and before that i downloaded an album in may. that's almost it. three or four instances of using the computer for one application for over half a year. I'M NEVER DOWN THERE. and my brother, who always is, using a program that takes a half an hour (not even kidding) to close when he gets off of it, blames the computer troubles on me. my itunes library has really not increased in size for a very, very long time. only very minorly, but i pretty much stopped buying droves of new music in high school (doesn't mean anything...i love music, i wish i heard more new music that i enjoyed, but it all sucks horrendously, so i find music i like verrry slowly).

so that's distressing. my ipod is pretty important to me. after years of carting around an embarrassingly large case of cd's, it was such a huge relief to just have that little guy to be concerned with. i listen to it every other morning to take my mind off things. it's comforting. i kind of need it and i haven't had it now for a few weeks. i'm rather upset.

-[brother arrives, negotiating, please stand by]-

mm. i want to smack my brother in the fucking face. insolent prick. i'm seriously mad. i don't give a fuck that it will "take a long time". that's all he keeps saying. i have been working on that for several weeks and nothing's happened. i don't care how long it takes me, i want my fucking music back.

i can't stand it. i can't even fucking use that computer. i can't get on it and no applications will start when i do. everything is fucked up. i just want to get my itunes purchases and some stray downloads up here, and then i will manually put all of the cds i have on here, and delete everything else from downstairs. he will never have to touch this computer again, and i'll never ask him to get off WoW and provoke him to cry and scream ever again.

i am SO FUCKING ANGRY right now that everyone within a fifty-five mile radius would be so fucked were it not for aliya, who just IM'd me and told me that she's sent me a story.

you owe your life to aliya.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11