hearing guitars

7:35 p.m. x 2007-03-10

todayish, jimmy and i have been together for eight months. in reality i was asked out on the fifteenth of last july, but accepted five days later on the twentieth. we attempted to sever our romantic ties in late august shortly after our first month mark, but after the brutal hell that was september we reconcilled and resumed our boyfriendly/girlfriendly relations (at least formally...we'd stayed romantic throughout the interim, to varying results) on the tenth of october. so we go from the tenth. and today is the tenth. i am very very pleased to be with jimmy, in case you were unaware. *^-^*

in other news, i am sooo fried.

i woke up at 4 today, in the afternoon, after not really having much to eat yesterday. so i was insanely, agonizingly hungry. and beat. and i rolled over and grabbed my ipod and turned vh1 on until i could operate the limbs to take me to food...and meanwhile, "the agency" was on, which i'd never seen. and after a while of watching it i propelled myself downstairs and grabbed some grapes.

so i had some grapes, because i spent the first bit of my day watching modelly ladies get harassed by a very very irate british woman. after a while of screenwriting on a viciously empty stomach, i then concluded i was fucking ridiculous and marched my ass downstairs to make a nice hot something of substance. mashed potatoes, i thought, since it was...really...all the choice i had. we have NOTHING in the house.

in fact, it turned out, we had such nothing that we didn't have the milk i needed to make the mashed potatoes. so that idea was out. and i ate more grapes. my mother's going to get me a sandwich right now. i'll destroy that thing.

what sucks about all of this...to clarify...is that i am getting past a starving compulsion. for a while it was fine because i just...ate normally. my mother promptly stopped buying food so that i didn't eat normally, since there is no food to eat, thus engaging me in a state of worry about how i was going to eat, making me concentrate FAR MORE THAN I WOULD EVER LIKE on food. i don't want to think about it. i just want it to be there when i need it, and i want to need it normally. ergh.

i keep having nightmares that my mother will not give me the circa $15 she owes me from the check i gave her. she only needed part of it to pay for jimmy's birthday present, and i need the rest for school. so last night i kept dreaming that i was stuck at school with no money to get home. or buy lunch. pshhh.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11