i've got my spine

11:13 a.m. x 2007-03-14

and i'm back.

i had an excellent EXCELLENT excellent time with jimmy. outside of the obvious. yes. we did it three times and engaged in amazing conversation in between. my very favorite aspect of intimacy is exchange and it made me so happy to converse with him. and have incredible fucking sex. wow. my mind is mush again today, but great mush.

and it is alexandra's birthday. and i have a mix cd for her. but it is in playlist-stage at home, awaiting birth. i'm going to burn it tonight. speaking of burning, my eyes...

i was up very late last night reading "charlotte: a tale of truth" and hating it, like everything else in and about my am lit class. i just emailed the journal entry in (and it was a good one, actually). i ought to be in class, but i absolutely do not want to hear the woman speak today. i would like to kick her in the throat. she's not someone who's built to interact with me.

she, however, is. i love angela st. lawrence. and supervert. overwhelmingly. agh. the fact that they interact in such a flirty manner makes me near envious. actually it makes me outright, wretchously envious.

i think i'd like to convert this layout to something more vertical. i have verticality on the brain at the moment as it ought to be my aim to make le screenplay easy to read with the eyes racing down the page as opposed to plodding across. i'm trying. after this guy is nestled in completedness, i am going to draft up a beginning of another (projected late may/early june, we'll say, if my braincells regenerate at their average speed), but not with such fervent intensity. i also fully intend to go back to the short story on which present screenplay has been adapted and patch it up.

if i could have my wish, i'd get the short story published and then the screenplay optioned. that way there would be a sense of priority to stay faithful to the short story, thus characters and setting and circumstance would be that much more swayed by my desires. the characters and settings all have an absurdly specific appearance that i willfully surrender to the possibility of exposing the thing to the public, but if i had control over those things, i'd jig. it's just a soft little person detail...i've been working on the thing for four years. i know how it looks.

but i am genuinely up for checking out how someone else would think it looks. i am very very excited for outside input, and it arrives tomorrow! mahaha. so tonight, i'm going to have to be thorough. whence my ass is home, i am doing one solid read and listen to it on the kickass read-aloud mechanism.

it is not an especially formulaic script. i have a lot of difficulty working within the parameters of an outline or pattern. i do not have a "god complex" about my writing. in the initial creative process i am almost lassaiz-faire. i allow circumstances to unfold by virtue of the chemistry between characters. i have a very large-scale serial project that came to fruition purely that way, by what would happen when all of these elements come together in these people. and it happens by itself, like i am barely involved and only a means to translate "what's happened". i don't make it happen. i just communicate it. and that's the way i write.

so i don't know how this will appear to my editor, who is very formula-conscious and writes primarily with an aim to make things commercially viable, which i respect. it is a craft worth perfecting, and it is his livelihood, and he has to have that attitude about it. i don't have all those trappings, but nor do i have the experience. i am interested in what he'll have to say about it. and eager to investigate his actiontastic piece of work.

i wonder if my ride will remember me today. i'm going to go make myself obvious in the cafeteria, just to make sure.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11