i've not felt that great lately, physically. and i'll tell you very blatantly why. i want to lose weight so bad, and i want like nothing to go back to restricting, but at the same time, i do not want to fuck my body up again because it will be cyclic and miserable in the long run, i know it isn't good. but today i had a bagel for breakfast, oatmeal for lunch, and a small bowl of spaghetti for dinner, and i feel miserable about it. and that's quite fucking insane.
i don't wish i was thin more than i wish i just didn't give a shit. it's so fucking stupid.