in the nightmare desert stood a building, outside someone was digging a hole in the ground for burying my luck

12:29 p.m. x 2007-09-22

i was going to write an update on something i just realized i hadn't alerted you of, diary.

jimmy called after i wrote the previous entry to tell me he was coming out to visit. however, yesterday he called and told me he had a fever of 103 and wasn't going to risk the trip. or rather, he wasn't unless his fever went down. i think he's still asleep. i'll see him next weekend, though, it looks like. we'll go see "transformers" in imax then.

that made me really miserable last night - which was the worst on top of me having made myself ultra paranoid. all that reading about ted bundy and college girls i did back in the day has manifest itself recently in an inability to enjoy showering or open the window. it's crept up on me quite suddenly. so last night...was not aces.

today, however, i woke up at nine and set off into town. i wound up finding the cafe i wanted to check out without following the directions i wrote down. it's much closer than i even thought. i had a nice time in there - i sat on a sofa in a quiet room and the woman working there brought my salad and coffee to me. i was the only person there for a while and it was nice. the adjacent bookstore had a little thing called "psychobox" that was a comendium of "psychological games". i think i'm going to save my money to buy some books i need from amazon, though.

on my way back up here i went to the drug store and bought some burgundy hair dye that i'll be hanging out with in a little while, and a big pack of very cheap tea. if i'd known it was a dollar i would've bought the apple cinnamon pack too. i got the sampler, since i need to be exposed to more tea.

i am still upset, however, about my birth control predicament, which is i have no way of getting over to walmart today to get my refill. they have it there now, at the walmart in this area, which i cannot walk to...but none of the bus routes will take me there during the pharmacy's hours of operation. if jimmy is feeling better we can go do that, but i bet he won't be. i'll have to beg my roommate to take me tomorrow. i need to resume taking it tomorrow.

i've got a pride issue with my birth control because it's something i've done totally on my own. or without my parents, rather. amanda took me to get tested and perscribed for it and jimmy frequently takes me to refill it, but i'ved paid everything for it off my parents' insurance, the $80 pap smear and $23 a month for each refill. now that my mom knows about it, i'm going to relocate the perscription to this drug store across the street in december and use my insurance on it. my mom says it'll be free that way. that's exciting. i've been writing here, jimmy called. he says next saturday he's picking me up and we're having dinner at the hilton and seeing "transformers". even if ernie and mackenzie can't come, we're doing it no matter what. which is awesome. i hope that we do that.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11