i'm breaking my teeth off trying to bite my lip

12:33 a.m. x 2007-09-26

some days i am a discontented mess.

i finished the female eunuch today AND...and...i finished sprucing up the story i've been writing. it's all finished, but none of my email clients are working, so my editors are going to have to wait. i want to read it to myself out loud in its entirety. i'm not 100% confident in its cohesiveness...because i am not a cohesive person.

what i want is to find someone on campus to edit it for me free of the trappings of knowing me, just treating it as a scrap of literature and giving it to me straight. someone mature enough not to give me some heavy-handed speech on the topics i deal with in it. i would like to know how they feel about how i dealt with the sensitive topics, though, since they're integral to the plot. ideally it'd be someone who knew something about it, since my one friend who read the screenplay draft couldn't give me very good tips around it because he didn't know anything about it. most people don't, and he was right in that observation, but i think i've tweaked it enough that it functions much better in this draft than others.

i'm excited.

it was jacket weather for less than a week, and now it's back to being hot. just mildly uncomfortably hot. not blistering, stifling, grosser than gross hot a la the first week i was here. also our drain is all unclogged, so we may once more shower happily.

i like a lot of things, but i am limited in my ability to express it in a broad way. i zone in on stuff and am all "I LOVE THIS!" for a while. then i'll stop. it's not that i stopped loving it, i just shifted my energy to something else. and every now and then it shifts back to something old. so, i'm here to tell you: I LOVE THE WHITE STRIPES.

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM AND ALL THEIR ALBUMS AND THEIR THEMES AND THEY'RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE BANDS AND I NEVER THINK ABOUT IT. i love the way they act with each other. i love their songs. i loved them live so so so so much.

this came to me in a funny way. i read their message about canceling tour dates because meg is suffering from anxiety, and i felt very very very empathetic with her. i'd like to see them again someday. i really think they're great. a lot of people i know are passed being into them. but i think that's crazy. i love them. jack's lyrics mean quite a lot to me. they band has been around for me for a long time.

i remember i had the dvd of their videos when they only had, like, three. and clare and i watched it at her beach house and we'd never used a dvd before and watched "i think that we are going to be friends" over and over and over. that's a pretty devastating image now. i think i've upset myself.

i would write a thank you note to them. i did to the decemberists. it was a ridiculously stupid one, but the feeling was very genuine. i still retain this awe of them that i had when i was younger, i think they present themselves like that, in a way that you can have your own experience of them. i love watching "you don't know what love is". the song is great, but even just watching the video silently. i did that the first time i saw it because i didn't want to disturb my roommate, and i just love them interacting. i love him helping her through the snow. i love what i imagine their relationship to be. i don't know what they're really like, but i appreciate what they inspire in me personally.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11