sister do you know my name? i've heard it before but i want to know

10:08 p.m. x 2007-10-16

making minute headway on my monster assignment. i got my grades today! actually i got them last week! i just didn't know what was in the envelope. unless it's from aliya or something, i don't tend to open stuff right away. today i got kind of concerned because i saw it opens like a paycheck...and i was like OH NO, i may have to pay for something...but no, no. it was my grades. AND SHIT! TWO Bs! TWO Cs! YEAHHH!!! i detected a much bleaker situation. now, i'd like to keep those two Bs where they are, and bolster those two Cs. particularly dev psych. i'd like to get that up to a B. if i can somehow get personality theory to turn into an A, by means of some powerful and dangerous magic, then bio can stay a C and i'll have a flat, solid 3.00. and that would be THE BEST.

if i wind up with a 3.00 overall at the end of the undergrad line here, i can pretty much get into any grad school (that isn't totally disgusting). but i am thinking i would like that american university thing. i'm thinking i wouldn't be very happy relegated to research nonsense for the rest of my days. experiments are fun to read about and watch (especially that compliance one, you know the one, with the buzzers) but i am neck-deep in this APA nonsense...i couldn't sit around writing these things. i couldn't. i couldn't feel like i'm the authority on anything running these little tests. i have to get out there. i have to have experience and apply knowledge.

i'm coming to grips with that left-of-centeredness about me. about time, really. i can't do the school thing, i've never been able to, even though i enjoy college more than i did high school. i love reading. i love learning. i love applying what i learn. i love the ways that school facilitates that. but i can do that on my own. i think that things are looking rather good for BREAK AFTER THE UNDERGRAD for me.

i should get an apartment the size of my fist in a large city, eat pomogranate seeds, write until 5 a.m. and hold a job that requires i physically bustle around all over the place. i will pay my rent and write. i will not let anything else abstruct my desire to GET SHIT DONE. that lifestyle appeals to me. getting shit done appeals to me. i was up last night at 3 after i'd finished my paper for music that was due today and i was working on a short story that is ASSKICKIN. aliya is reviewing the one i've all ready completed. i also read her revision of my favorite thing she's ever written and i'm so happy. i fixed my printer today just so i could print it out and have a copy to pour over on the bus home. i'm determined to give her a world of awesome feedback.

if i was to elect anyone to be my roommmate, it'd be aliya, kara or jimmy. because i could comfortably, entertainingly live with all of them, as long as there was another room. we're all private people who enjoy the company of one another. i have asked kara and she was enthusiastic about the prospect. i wonder if she'd be down with chicago or DC...somewhere where we could walk to things...especially an indian restaurant...

although, there's none here, and i'm enjoying pretty well getting paneer for $1.75, naan for $2, and free rice until further notice. i'm going to try and stock up this weekend. paneer tikka masala is excellent. palak paneer is the most digusting looking thing ever but it tastes like heaven. my roommate saw it in action today. it's pretty harrowing if you're not the one experiencing it.

i have a test in dev psych in the morning and a part of me is saying to myself "fuck it", stay up all night and work, take the test, blow off bio, nap and continue to work. i'd rather not even leave the room. just WORK. none of this will happen.

i hope my roommate doesn't come home too stoned to do anything but watch movies/tv. last night, though, she put on "princess mononoke", which distracted me but distracted so good. she's out with a guy she likes who likes her tonight. maybe she'll be nice and exhausted when she gets in. maybe she won't get in until an inconcievably late hour! either way i should stop pressing my luck and get back to work!

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11