5:20 p.m. x 2007-11-05

(remember remember today's date)

jimmy and i spoke for a long time yesterday, and i'm feeling better about things. there's still a lot to cover. i would like him to understand i'm really hurt and that i won't endure that treatment.

clare may be coming to school on this coast next fall, in maryland. so i would...if not get to see her slightly more, have more opportunities to see her. if i wanted to, i could. i'd like to see her.

i haven't spoken to someone in a few days that i would like to speak to. i'm a little self-conscious that i've said something...or sent out a bad vibe...just because i've had personal issues pertaining to where he is right now, that's just my little shitty problem...i am happy that he is very happy, and i don't mean for it to be a thing. i don't even think i've said anything. i don't even trust myself about it. i feel "bitch" eminating from me whenever he brings it up, just because the polite and normal response is not the automatic one. that is to cry. but that's my own damn problem, and it's not fair. i am scared to lose contact with him over this.

i think i'm just being paranoid, though. still. that's how i roll.

i'm beginning to enjoy again a lot of the things that i lost interest in after high school, which i believe means i'm actually snapping out of that deluge. i want to draw again frequently, i want to sing. i really abandoned that, but it's something i like to do. and i stopped because i decided it probably wouldn't work out for me professionally. that may more than likely be so, but it's not a legitimate reason for me to stop something i enjoy. that's a bit of personal growth for you. of course now i have the extreme likelihood of being walked in on, so i'm not exactly singing up a storm.

ah! my roommate and her boyfriend are playing guitar together. it's very sweet.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)