i was just sitting here, eating my muffin, drinking my coffee, when i had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity

5:48 p.m. x 2007-11-13

last night i didn't sleep. two hours i don't even "remember" because it felt like i rolled over and suddenly my first alarm went off. then my second, then my roommate's, which is what tends to actually wake me up. i wasn't really sleepy in class and i waited until my laundry was done before i took a nap. i probably shouldn't have for the sake of sleeping better tonight, but i'm pretty sure i will anyway, and if i didn't rest a little, i risk losing my mind again. i cried from two to five a.m. nonstop, and forcefully. it was no case of passive weeping, it was a case of i would have been screaming were my roommate not asleep in the room with me. it hurt to cry like that for such a long period of time, and i have no idea why it didn't tire me out more than it did.

i have this secret stash in my body (i swear, geez) of adrenaline that gets broken out at the worst times, involuntarily.

my left eye has stopped spasming now and i'm feeling much better. i know what (not) to do now. things are going to be improving here now. i'm pretty reviled and embarrassed and flat out unhappy about quite a bit of stuff...but i got myself into a place where it wasn't going to happen any other way if things are going to get better for me. now they are.

my eyes hurt so much though. i really do need to sleep tonight.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11