You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

listen to what went on this weekend:

well first we have friday, spent cruising around with melody, being a pair of lone badasses in the night, out for caramel apples and adventure. i recieved what i'd be shocked if it was not my last IM from jeremy, which resolved itself in another awkward silence and sounded sort of bitter on his end...so that's that, i'm thinking.

we watched "audition" and "heavenly creatures", and melody has proudly assimilated "kirikirikiriiii" into her vernacular. then came saturday's trek for sushi and a look at what lays ahead in terms of finals. i've got one tomorrow late in the day, then wednesday, thursday and friday (none tuesday! free tuesday! WHOOO!), friday being the toughest.

after another jaunt with dee i headed back up here saturday in the late afternoon and had a message from (gasp, for real) jimmy waiting for me...and i got back from away and he said hello and we had a small talk before he asked to talk on the phone

where he cried his eyes out to me.

it really tore me up and made me cry...i did not stop talking to him with any bad intent. i stopped because we needed a break from each other. we did nothing but piss each other off. he seemed to want to be free of our issues and i didn't want to wind up despising him with the whole of my being, and hence - we had to take a break from communicating.

in the interim it seems he's done some heavy reflecting. he hasn't been eating or sleeping. he was crying so intensely it really scared me. scared, like, shit...i didn't want this. we talked. he wound up driving out here.

so we had a very good discussion about things that happened and things we want for the future. he didn't ask anything of me, just expressed his shame and regret and his wish to right his wrongs. we went out to breakfast this morning, then went shopping and went to dinner.

he bought my a dark knight tshirt! with the first promo image of the joker on it (HOLY SHIT)! and "halloween", "i spit on your grave" and "the game". i had pancakes for breakfast and a bleu cheese burger for dinner. we squeezed each other quite a bit.

it was a good reunion and he invited me to his house for christmas. he told me how rotten it was to not have me over for thanksgiving but it's really good we had that time apart. i'm really glad to have the clarity of mind i've got right now.

i just don't want any more bad feelings, that's all. not from any direction. i'm grateful for that affection and support and i'm very very proud that he's getting things together.

i'm not worried about anything anymore.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)