and after seven years in advertising you are none the wiser

11:32 p.m. x 2008-03-05

STILL AT WORK! currently a page deep in a projected five page historiography on dante's commedia. never having done a historiography, and until about five minutes ago did not have much of an idea what one was...i'm extremely grateful tomorrow's just a peer review. my pal brittany will be the only one seeing this, as well as potentially another boy in class who has a real handle on this stuff. i trustish them. they're a histor minor and major, respectively. i think he's done one of these before.

i'm really tired. like, sicktired. amber w rang me this afternoon and was shocked at the sound of my voice, which wasn't haggared or creepy like it is when i answer the phone in the morning, but surreally unlike my voice tends to sound. which i thought was cool. i'm not awake enough to be unsettled by it. after i'm done with this paper i'll be editing another one i've all ready written to see if i could MAKE IT SUCK ANY WORSE THAN IT DOES! i have lost my faith in writing for film class i just don't know what that man wants from me. i am staring down a C average for this entire year. i know it. that's not so bad but i could've done better.


tomorrow regardless i'm napping the fuck out of my afternoon, dying my hair good old reliable clairol hydruence burgundy, putting up some photos of russian and lithuanian architecture i clipped out of B&W magazine, and DOING MY OWN WRITING.

97% of my erratic weirdiness within the past several MONTHS has been due SOLELY AND ENTIRELY TO THE LACK OF TIME I HAVE TO WORK ON MY OWN FICTION. i need that time to myself. i always feel it when i don't have it. i always start losing it. it is inevitable that i will have to seat myself away from what goes on, it's compulsive, i compulsively wander, my mind wanders and ideas and images demand my attention, i have to work through them and they aren't awesome or anything, they aren't fully-formed amazing visions, but they're mine.

i think it's my brain's way of making up for the three-quarters of a lifetime of REM sleep i've denied it by being an insomniac.

anyway, when i don't get time to write on my own, the quality of my school work plummets. always. because i can't keep my drifting attention geared to it. i want to go write in my short story, but this is due tomorrow. i have no time but right fucking now to do this. and tonight i have to sleep or i'm going to snap.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11