You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "mein herr" by the new broadway cast of "cabaret"

things i will not miss about present living situation:

1) the absurd lump of space that roommate's occupied in the center of the room. i am very tightly on one side, in my corner. everything is as against-the-wall as possible. her dresser lives in the center of the room, a large chair behind that, and strewn everywhere are her clothes and other personal affects. and even when she's here she doesn't clean or move them, so they just feel intruding.

2) her impeding upon my 2:17 a.m. personal quality time with the "cabaret" soundtrack.

3) her total freakiness about light and sound, which isn't exactly a monumental character flaw, but just happens to be the opposite of my preference. i can fall asleep under any conditions (except, it would seem, night) but she can't without the lights being completely off and yet, preferably, the television. i can fall asleep with the tv, however, i can't work without a light on (i have a lamp, it's no big deal, but she's had moments being sassy with my lamp and i don't appreciate it) and can't work much with the tv on. i work before tv. she never works.

4) she never works. i've never seen it. i've seen her paint, all right. that's it. the only work i've ever witnessed her doing are art projects, and she's been late turning in at least half of them. and the young lady endeavors to pursue a law degree. with her bachelors in criminal justice. i guess if it's going to happen in any universe, it'd be this one.

5) she's stoned all the time (right now, of course) and i can't tolerate it. you can't readily have an exchange of ideas with someone who is only capable for large stretches of time with only sitting on their bed with a so-large-it's-surreal box of animal crackers, continuously pourings the contents into her mouth, flipping through channels and falling asleep. every time i'm feeling depressed i get to have a look at that and be reassured that i am not in that soul-sucking paralysis, there is hope for me, when she passes out i can steal a blow pop from her desk.

things i'll miss, a bit more concise:

1) stealing blow pops from her desk.
2) my window (we each have one, but she relentlessly treats mine as if it's free domain, while the other is behind her desk and clearly occuppied by her things).
3) the private bath.
4) our amazing suitemates and neighbors, in particular kelly and gretchen in the room over and stephanie in our suite. all have been hilarious, helpful and supportive in surviving the odyssey that is rooming with this mysterious creature.
5) being in the far top corner of a building with perpetual quiet hours.

i'll be moving to the first floor, a sorority floor, of a rowdy and ill-kept building across the quad. hence - i will need to be out of the room ten minutes prior to class rather than five. i've been urged to buy earplugs. melody and i are endeavoring to keep the door locked at all times, as there's apparently the very real risk of people just invading while inebriated. i can't tolerate that. i think i'm going to have to bust out with some rules to these young ladies. it is their floor, but it is my room, i make no claims over the rest of the place, but in that wee mess of square feet that i live in, i WILL have privacy. and if they want to greek it up in secrecy while i am sleeping, they can move me. i am uninterested. and all i want to do is sleep.

i hung out with brittany, liz and kyle today. i wish if i for any reason could've come here as a freshman, it would've been to know them longer and better, because they're fantastic. even brittany, who can be abrasive, means well and genuinely enjoys my company. i think liz is absolutely kickass, and i will miss rambling, imaginative discourse with kyle very very much. maybe we'll meet again someday, and he can regale me of his TA days at ohio state, which is where he's headed to freak the fuck out of german 101-ers.

also today i recieved my graded mega-history-paper draft. B. OH FUCK YEAH. the class was then granted individual discussion time with the professor, the one i think is a fox, and he and i chilled in the library analyst-style, just like i like it, with me in the chair and he on the couch. i learned that his writing is frequently rejected by scholarly journals because he is what they call (to his face) "an undertheorized gentleman", because he, in his words, examines the facts and then draws conclusions independantly of previously established theories. he definitely is aware of these theories, but did not pursue his degree to write aggrandizing odes to these theorists instead of building and advancing research. a very noble pursuit. he in his sweater vest aims to fuck shit up from the inside. it was a very wonderful conversation. we talked for a long time about social theorists and educators, who create the need for themselves within the job market, and psychology's mission to establish itself as a science, how it has drained all the humanity out of the study of humanity. it was beautiful. what a sharp fellow. he told me he loves my writing and asked if i had any interest at all in any other history course that he teaches, because he loves my drowsy, uncomfortably silent presence in his classroom. also covered in illustrious discussion: classmate's "fucking blackberry", as he grit it irately, other classmate's creep status (i am talking of "to catch a predator"-esque proportions), the mental competency of the rest of the class (i think the climate is better than he does, as evidenced by his remark on my paper: "i'm not certain if your audience - the cass - has much of an idea who dante even is", what a bitchslap to a room full of history majors), "star trek" and how historians can't write. he urged me to explore a history degree because of how urgently there needs to well-written research in the field. that was...sweet of him. i'm glad he thinks highly of me enough to wish that i would continue to schedule and sleep through future classes of his.

tomorrow is friday, and then i have a week of class left. potentially ONE final first thing in the morning monday the 21st, and that could very well be it. and that's that for my first year of school here. momentous!

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)