is it bright where you are, have the people changed

6:49 a.m. x 2008-08-21

currently listening to: "hang on little tomato" by pink martini

i'll be getting to bed in a second. first, i want to reflect upon my writing. i just wrote three pages, and i am now three pages away from my previous goal for most-pages-in-a-single-draft (43, i am terse). i aim to finish it soon. as soon as it takes, but i am feeling that that is soon. and i think, after this, the next thing i'm going to work on will be something completely new. because this was so old. i started writing this in tenth grade. i remember where and when i thought of and settled on the names of the main characters, how the first scene came to me. vividly. they're flashbulb memories. i have an interwoven series of concepts of stories, and of those, this one is special, the most or second-most thoroughly realized. it's only 40 pages long right now, which isn't long. i can feel the passage of time in ada or ardor. it's a monster. all of the action in dostoevsky's works take place in a matter of a few days, and i will probably never write anything that long, even if i'm covering decades. it's a flaw. but whenever i finish with a substantial amount of pages, especially in one sitting (because it's exciting!), i click back to the first page and look at it, look at how it starts and think about where it's wound up, and (for me and me alone) that's a difference of seven years. it's a different story in some ways, but i've managed to never change the beginning. i've never been unhappy with the way it starts, or the title, which is a miracle. i'm so proud of it. i hope i can wrap it up well, and that it finds a fulfilling life outside my notebook. hopefully.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11