You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "leeds united" by amanda palmer

melody didn't sleep here.

i actually don't know just when it was she came back, but it was sometime after six. i think. when i woke up the "INLAND EMPIRE" dvd was still playing, and usually when she comes in she turns whatever i was watching off. so i'm not quite sure.

she emailed me yesterday. i responded. she asked "peace?" and i said "peace" and still she didn't come back. she hasn't been in the room for the past two days. i have a feeling she's going to pull what she pulled last year, avoiding me into oblivion. but last year it was because she and her roommate got along intolerably bad. she is staying away now of her own volition, because of something she did. she created this problem.

ugh.

i feel like my email did no good, and i glossed the fuck out of it just to get her to relax, to be comfortable around me. she doesn't need to know how livid i am, how furious and milimeters away from ripping his face off i am. she doesn't need to know because nothing might come of it. any time now she might do an about face and hole up in here, declare herself an idiot. cry. and shit will go back to normal.

however, i know her. i know him. and i can see them doing this forever. and by forever i mean the rest of the year, her senior year, the only time we'll ever have to live together. after which he'll never think about it again, after which it won't matter. during which it won't matter. he doesn't care about her. he doesn't like or respect women. but she doesn't like or respect herself, so she came to the right place.

i'm really sick just thinking about it. i want to drop the class i have with him. when i went on tuesday i attempted to go sit by myself in the back but his best friend came over and asked if i'd sit with them. i did. i glared the fuck out of jeremy. i'm on the fence about what to do. i could enjoy a whole semester of giving him complexes or i can set myself up with another english class. hmm.

i hate this.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)