You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "bullet with butterfly wings" by smashing pumpkins

my mother and sister visited me today! if you'll comb back through previous entries and find anything on the subject of them as a unit, you'll question my state of mind with regards to that exclamation point. usually they're dreadful together and i was a little apprehensive about expressing excitement over their visit, but it actually rocked. they were both polite and mature. they really liked my room. we walked all over town twice (it is that small after all). i took them everywhere i hang out, on my usual circuit. we had a fantastic lunch and dinner.

my mother bought me new sneakers! which i'm really touched by. we had a genuinely nice day without anyone disintegrating and withdrawing into nothing-but-bitch. AND I'VE GOT CARAMEL APPLES. pumpkin rolls. spiced apple cider. pumpkin coffee. everything. everything autumnal/beautiful. IN TIME FOR KARA TO VISIT NEXT WEEKEND. i'm going to hang onto either a pumpkin roll or caramel apple for her. the other of either i'm going to share with melody. because last night i wrote her an email explaining how i feel about her persistant and intrusive failure to do the One Thing I Asked (don't mention him to me!).

i did that, and didn't realize how late it'd gotten. i sent the email, went to put a movie on, and she came on in. she sat and started to tell me about her first day at work. glanced at her computer, glanced at me. kept talking. opened her email account, glanced, glanced at me. saw the email from me, glanced at me. kept talking. opened the email. stopped talking. locked eyes and couldn't restart her sentence. went to bed dumbstruck. we continued talking, but even more disjointedly than usual. i didn't even see her yesterday.

she sent me a txt while i was at dinner, just about her ex-exchange student's daughter (who is visiting, and why melody is home and not here). i txt'd back. i want to keep that bridge unburnt for the time being. we have the year yet. we'll dock that sinking ship in april. and if we're never going to communicate again, if she won't be able to think ill of me without pangs of guilt, all the better.

or i could just do something nice.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)