why can't i get along with you

10:30 a.m. x 2008-10-17

currently listening to: "funeral song" by sleater-kinney

this week has been batshit. i need to call aliya. she called me several times the other week and twice yesterday, and i haven't gotten back to her yet because of all the things i've had due and my mother and sister's visit. after my next class i'll be through for the week and can get back to people.

i have done a freakishly bad job of being a student recently. i get into modes, little digs of obssessive actions, cutting out pictures and putting up pictures or doing calligraphy, which is a brand new thing i've never done before. i've read about people on speed doing this, focusing their trip onto one action and doing it to a t for hours and hours. and that's what i've been doing. little alarms sound: "why don't you do this?! you won't think about this if you do this!!!"

or i go to the mall, because it's a really lengthy action. walk to the station. get on the bus. listen to music. arrive. walk to the bookstore. find a magazine. read standing up, so as to appear noncommittal and not like i came just to read it with no intention/money to purchase it. try on clothes. chart size-dropping progress. etc, etc. catch bus back. walk around town for a while. go back. the inevitable.

it's this instead of napping chronically like last year, which i'm out to avoid.

yesterday provided me with a revealing exchange with melody, wherein she spoke more about her work in her major. her advisor, a very charismatic, interesting man and the person completely in charge of the poetry program, got very stern with her about how she was taking liberties he interpreted as exploitative with her last-semester-ever schedule. she wants to take an independant study, which would be her second, in order to accomodate a science she wants to take, which she is required to take. he flipped and told her how professors don't get paid for independant studies, and she'd be wise to instead get out of the theatre class she's scheduled.

she was telling me this and she broke down. she told me she came here as a theatre major and then had his creative writing class and switched "to appease the language department". she shook with fury, upset that she'd upset this man, that he didn't understand "the sacrifices" she'd made for him. that she'd done it all for him. she also added at some other point during the day how she didn't want to take the class he'd recommended because it was taught by a professor she wasn't familiar with. there are three whose classes she takes practically exclusively.

i hope doing everything for other people works out for her in life.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11