You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "the gallows" by the builders and the butchers

christmas was outstanding. inventory:

two pairs of socks and three bras (things i needed like you cannot begin to imagine), two cardigans, some typewriter jewelry, a beautiful set of magnetic bookmarks, a pair of knee-high boots and a pair of mary janes, two pairs of fishnets (one with a backseam and this!), THE OZYMANDIAS TSHIRT, "salo" and "vampyr" from my aunt, "the red shoes", "europa", "the dark knight" and "the piano teacher" (it's taken me an absurdly long time to get a hold of that), the waste land by ts eliot, a rimbaud biography, supervert's horror panegyric, a collection of guillame appolinaire's writing, de sade's philosophy in the boudoir (the cover of which [penguin classics] is currently the background on my computer), cultural amnesia by clive james, cities of the interior by anais nin (!!!!!!!!!), the collected fictions of jorge luis borges, and a textbook on surrealism! kara got me piano socks and an unspeakably gorgeous scarf, clare got me a black and white striped shirt and a mirror necklace, and lexi got me THE M GRAPHIC NOVEL. i'm awestruck. jimmy's present is still on its way in the mail, and i'm still expecting bely's the silver dove and really REALLY WISH I COULD AFFORD THIS.

but i'm extremely, extremely happy. the only thing i could really kind of use but can't afford is a new coat, but it's just as well that i break myself of my outerwear fetish. i would rather have a stuffed cthulhu right now than a new coat, anyway. ALWAYS.

i am achy and tired from having nightmares all last night. this was a real classic nightmare-esque nightmare, too, which is unusual. my nightmares typically depict some kind of private dread, but i think this would have been terrible for anyone. probably a signal that i should lay off the sugar. that's been getting really terrible lately. there's nothing in our house that isn't mostly sugar.

despite conditions, however, and despite being obviously too broke for cthulhu plushes and winter coats, i am still FREAKING OUT about antony and the johnson's "the crying light". i love the photographs he utilizes for album covers. i'm grateful that that man is making music, and that i have grown into appreciating that sound.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)