You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "the akara" by beirut

some people pity me, i think, because i'm alone most of the time. fuck those people. fuck the people who, when they get to know me out of pity, proceed to treat me like a sick person. i am a nervous person. i am a smart person who is very nervous about how to talk to people when i am not literate in the same aspects of culture as most of the people my age, right where i happen to be. and i get along alone perfectly all right, and don't require anyone to go around doing everything with me. when i speak to people, it's important. when i'm anxious and upset, i get over it. despite whatever i have happening, i'm perfectly functional and capable of making my own fucking friends.

i had dinner with melody today. we talked. she made a lot of sense. she know's what she's in but she's got more perspective than i could've hoped for. she missed me. i almost cried listening to her talk about how it's been because she's just humiliated. she really had faith in him and only had so much to invest at all this expense and she did and he threw it in her face. i'm horrified. i'm proud of her for being horrified. i mean, it remains to be seen if she severs it like she needs to.

but i needed to hug her again.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)