You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "vaudeville of the ghosts" by susan dewitt smith

last night here. until two weeks. i think i did very well on my final. how well is essentially up to the professor and his whims, but i'll get at least a B in the class. that's just fine.

yesterday was absurd. i left at ten with bryan to begin making lunch at tom's. it was tom, bryan, tom's father, bryan's father, tom's brother chet and chet's best friend dave, bryan's girlfriend amber, bryan's girlfriend's best friend christianna, myself, and the writing professor (and tom's dog holt, as well), who i think was kind of terrified by the volume of people in the converted barn. we had scotch and shrimp and i made a cheese tray (of which i was very proud - muenster, mozzerella, brie and cheddar with horseradish, pesto and sea salt baggle crisps - i can't stop thinking about it). after that, amber and christianna and i met molly, ashley, christina and angela, who are all amazing, back at school and took christianna out for her bachelorette party, wherein we got nametags designating us as various porn stars and played "dirty minds". it was beautiful. i had such a good time. i really don't want to think about how much i'm going to miss them because they've been so great to me as friends.

tonight my impending-roommate bought me dinner, which was a very pleasant surprise, and my favorite necklace warped beyond what is acceptable for me to keep wearing it in good conscience. i'm really upset. i get very sentimental about objects, and that's one i have strong feelings for.

i'm looking at grad schools and hoping that next year when i go to ask professors to please write me recommendations that they do not get weird or try and talk to me about the programs i'd like to try getting into. i know my one will. i don't think he'd be inclined to make me feel inadequate about a decision but i don't know the extent to which he believes in me. i mean, i know that he does, he certainly acts like he admires me a great deal. which is important and very nice of him but not the only thing that i rely on. what i feel about my work is the most important thing to me and i know what i'm doing and what i'm willing to do to accomplish what i want to accomplish.

which is to write.

i've got to finish packing my belongings to go home tomorrow morning. i have almost everything off my walls and my desk except for a picture of van dyke parks. looking at him gives me such a good feeling.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)