5:56 p.m. x 2009-05-27

currently listening to: "the booklovers" by the divine comedy

i have to trust that mark understands the extent to which i feel about him. we didn't sleep last night. he couldn't stop kissing me to put his device in, so he didn't risk falling asleep. he told me that when he's with me he feels more "fixed", more present than he ever has with anyone, and that he enjoys my presence more than that of any other. i have to trust it. thinking about what a short time this really is won't do me any good.

the peace and awe pervading this affair is very new and very important for me. he is so happy and ready to express how he feels about anything. i don't get worked up and i don't panic. he's as open as i am.

i love it when he knocks at my door and when i open it, he's voguing. always contorted into some position. immediately excited to see me. last night was so beautiful. in our digressive travels he rued about what in particular about the failure of his first relationship still hurt to know, and it was that they spent so much time and placed so much value on each other as elements of one anothers' Life, in their future. i told him i'd like to see any one of my possible futures even dare to stand up against right now. he reacted to this and subsequent kisses in such an unmatchable way i never could have anticipated. that i could have designed this, my effect on him - never. geez. and he's such a beautiful person!

his mouth, in particular. so many things. we have the same (very strange and specific) eye color. his arms. his laugh! i can't concieve of such a perfect laugh! and how often he does it! his voice! i love it!

him.
him.
him.
SO MUCH.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)