3:21 p.m. x 2009-05-30
currently listening to: "half my kingdom" by alina simone
in the middle of the dark, both waking up at once continuously to kiss over and over. he kept removing his device. and he goes "i am tragically in love with you". preliminary "we-should"-esque plans are drafted. my jaw aches from ceaseless smiling he may or may not even know i was doing, because it was so dark. that was the night before last. last night he took me out to dinner and we finished watching "twin peaks". we embarked on free pronouncements of "i love you" and physical intimacy, the likes of which renew my nervousness but, that said, i know better. i told mark how overwhelmed i was watching "veronique" with him, when our arms touched, and he collapsed, feeling the same way about the same moment. enthuses endlessly about the mutuality of the situation, and to make assumptions of mutuality implies a boundlessness, a completeness and total lack of apprehension. so to worry would be silly. it comes as it comes. all that's here now between us is good.
i ease the impact of overwhelming physical memories of the bad marriage and self-abuse he went through for four years in this city and i make him wish aloud persistently he hadn't gone to london. a beautiful, brilliant man wishes he'd stayed somewhere he hates in order to meet me, instead of going to london and seeing plays he loved for three months. he wishes we could've been doing this since the fall when we had astronomy together. when i used to see him in the library and was so taken by his appearance - that he is so attractive and emotive in a place so full of amorphous, soulless people.
but what's important is NOW!
and now is POSITIVELY BRILLIANT.
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start