You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "lilacs" by mark!

i can feel my teeth erode into my throat when i drink this gamer fuel nonsense. i'm stopping now. it was all that was around that's even faintly filling, which is a depressing reality to be confronted with.

i txt'd mark last night - or this morning, really - in a fit of missing him rotten. i went to the book store with my mother and read more of cat's cradle (nearly finished) and raymond chandler's "the simple art of murder" essay. i found what i'm getting mark for his birthday in january: the diaries of virginia woolf, preferably new. if i got them used it'd be $20-odd dollars for the lot of them, but they are presents and i'd like to get them new - which would amount to $100+, which i think i'm going to do one by one over the course of the fall as i'm working. WORKING!

the professor i interned with this past spring on the micropress is back for another year! and i'm going to continue to help him! and he's obtaining autographed copies of the books we assembled! i'm so happy. that was the highlight of my week every week. i am going to wrangle gretchen into that activity. she will love it.

i need to get out and buy needles, thread and an awl to get down to my own endeavors, the first of which is a handmade mini-anthology of my favorite poems - like a poetry mixtape - for mark. we spoke this afternoon about the virtues of reading mrs. dalloway (finished!) and catch 22 together and the merit of joan didion's fiction (which i'm familiar with) vs. her essays (which he's familiar with). enthusiasm roundly expressed for "inglourious basterds", which, i'd like to sheepishly bring up to him soon, comes out the second-to-last full week of august. i would adore to spend the last week of summer with him, but i would also like to see him before that, if possible. if not, i will see him much more throughout the school year, but if i do visit before that it will have to be in two weeks, because that's the last time a visit won't bump uncomfortably against the last week of august.

none of that's too engaging but i'm trying to work it out to myself in order to pitch it in a way that doesn't sound jumbled but instead purely like i want to see you soon, and i can't see you soon if... ect.

if not it's all right. it's difficult right now. i want his parents to know i am a concientious guest. they do know that, i believe. i dishwash, help clean up after moe and cook when i'm there. next time i plan on bringing a present for them to express my gratitude for having me a whole third-or-so of the summer. but his mom is having a rough time right now and i want to be sensitive to that.

if it's possible - that's all.

preferably, above all, i would like to be begged for. i will wait for that, i think.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)