You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "the noose" by a perfect circle

ohhh this started off so, so differently. now i need to do something. i need a strategy. i want to be fair and considerate but i do not honestly believe he wants a relationship or can have one or that this ought to be bargained over. it will not get better.

i am pretty sick about it but i know i am blocking out a lot so it isn't taking over while my focus is elsewhere, because it needs to be elsewhere. i care about him getting to the point he needs to reach to be happy but it isn't through me! he doesn't like to hear about my life at all. i can't say anything. that isn't good for either of us. i don't need that.

ugh. what a situation.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)