transparent dangling carrots

6:20 p.m. x 2009-10-10

currently listening to: "thank u" by alanis morissette (considering that my sister played taylor swift's christmas EP in the car all day today, i am grateful that this is all that is stuck in my head)

last weekend, upon returning to school after my weekend home, my parents gave me fifty dollars. i spent twenty of it, then my sister visited today. not only did we go and do a great deal, she gave me twenty dollars before leaving. so now i still have fifty, and that nagging mystery (why on earth?! my sister does not give me money).

the first short stories were due thursday, and wednesday night, gretchen got me sick. not flu-sick, just a cold. i wrote a five page paper in two days, which is not at all anything impressive - it had to be on something covered before the first test, which was last week, and since i've known that i've been trying to enjoy even mildly something we cover. it hasn't happened. so i wrote five pages on walt whitman and dragged myself through it. i made it far worse than it really was as a task and begged a friend to look at it when i had four pages in the bag. his response was pretty ecstatic for this guy - "it's a great paper! i was really not expecting that," so he says because of how badly i was losing it. i like to think he knows i can write a good paper even when the subject makes me sound like i'm being tied to a tree with my intestines. I CANNOT WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT TS ELIOT. that is why i am in that class!

bucknell has a rapturously attractive campus.

tonight i am revving up five new pages for tuesday. i have it very clear in my head what i'm doing for this next story. i would also like to sleep like a normal person, since last night i napped from two-thirty til eleven and did not get to bed again very much at all until my sister arrived at ten this morning. my dvd player still isn't working (NOTHING IS WORKING), or i would just watch "silence of the lambs" to the exclusion of all else. tuesday's going to really creep up, though. why couldn't i have been this efficient in high school? or even last year?

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11